Just to inject a bit of light-heartedness to the site I thought I'd include a selection of 'arty' jokes.....
Do feel free to forward any contributions you wish to be included on this page to ayoub_art@hotmail.com
Van Gogh in a bar.......
A chap walks into a bar, in the corner, sat by himself he spots Vincent Van Gogh. 'Hey Vince', says the chap, 'Do you fancy a drink?'
'No thanks', replies Vincent, 'I've got one ere'
Caribbean trip...........
A painter was sailing in the Caribbean. Unexpectedly, a large storm overcame the painter's sailboat, driving it off course and smashing it into a red coral reef by a small island.
Fortunately, the painter survived. After waking up on the beach in the morning, the painter was astonished to see red sand and a red sky. Walking around in daze, the painter sees red birds, red grass, red trees, and red bananas. In shock the painter realizes even his skin is turning red.
"Oh noooooo!", he exclaims! "I think I've been marooned!"
Monet & Degas
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of fuel. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Modern Art & little boys
Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake?
"Quick," said one, "Run ! Before they say we did it !"
Surrealism........
- How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? - Fish!
Definition of an Artist..........?
If you notice the burnt umber in the background of the Playboy centrefold -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you choose a wine with an eye toward using the bottle in your next still-life -- you MIGHT be an artist. If your idea of losing weight is to paint a thinner self-portrait -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you've ever considered framing your palette instead of the painting -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you've ever painted an abstract and decided it looked better upside down -- you MIGHT be an artist. If your cat has sap green paws -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you've changed your painting signature more than five times in one year -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you've ever gotten cookie crumbs in the Titanium white -- you MIGHT be an artist. If you can spell phthalocyanine, you MIGHT be an artist.
The nude masterpiece
There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too.
They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh my God!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife, Quick! Take all your clothes off."
Vacant seat.......
A man managed to get Vip tickets for a special viewing of The Impressionists’ Exhibition at The National Gallery.
As he sits down to view the wonderful paintings exhibited, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the “Impressionists Exhibition”, the biggest exhibition of Impressionist work ever seen, and not use it?"
"Well, actually the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first big exhibition we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh.....I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral.”
Extra cash for paint job......
Julie, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is £40 all right?" Julie asked. "Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "£40! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door."I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
An Alternative Canvas?
An interesting, amusing and unusual selection of canvas' shown here, a 'back catalogue' of Floyd album covers portrayed in an idea conceived and designed by Storm Thorgerson.
